The following is a summary of first and follow-up impressions of "the project" by Howard Collins.
Howard has visited the church during various stages of various projects and has participated in some of the more challenging.
A mid-December Dock-out and hoisting a church full of large oak pews into the attic to name a few.
He is famous for formulating the perfect Bloody Mary, a process as complicated as Dupont inventing nylon and
is the undisputed authority of Roaster (hard shell clams on the grill) preparation.
Evolution of the Church of Later Day Furniture
Upon having made the obligatory pilgrimage to the Mecca at Hooterville to
formally be christened into the congregation, my first impression was, "My!
What a quaint, picturesque sanctuary situated deep in the lush, green hills
of Northeastern Connecticut ."
Then I entered the Chamber of Horrors.
Within the heart of the of this edifice stood the combined and collective
eclectic possessions and veritable history of but one man, and the
categorizing, itemizing, identifying and otherwise sorting and storing of
which could easily have overwhelmed the considerable resources and talents
of the Smithsonian Institution's entire staff.
The state in which said combined and collective eclectic possessions were to
be found can be summarize quite easily, however - one Gawd-awful heap
named "Chaos" (or the "Alps," to some).
But, buried deeply within Chaos, which, when combined, consolidated,
organized and homogenized, ultimately stood the basic skeleton of a vision
which was entering its earliest stages of gestation - the foundation upon
which would rise, just as the Phoenix from the ashes (in this case,
"Chaos"), the enterprise to be known as "Adirondack Style Outdoor Furniture."
Low, though I had such considerable doubts and trepidation.
Even the seemingly innocuous and uneventful exercise of merely making the
trek to the sanitary facilities in the wee hours of the night to answer a
nature call would become an adventure even Dante himself could not have
begun to imagine! .
There was vital equipment that must first be assembled in preparation to
brave the trek - flashlight, hard hat, safety shoes, winter survival gear
and , most importantly, an adequate supply of bread crumbs to mark the path
of return. The most fearsome aspect of such a trek was always that the
sizable resident feline community would feed upon the bread crumbs and any
hope of my ever being found might be lost for all eternity.
Venturing up onto the bell tower was no less daunting an adventure. It
became evident quite early on that the physical stature of the late 19th
century gentry was rather less of that of those of barely a century later in
time. Squeeze, bend, twist, turn and duck are the operative words at the
very least. Perseverance, willpower and pure determination eventually did
win out, however, and the view from that lofty perch is well worth the
effort and heartily recommended to any and all who make the Pilgrimage to
the Church of Later Day Furniture at Hooterville.
Certainly, and without any question whatsoever, robust and varied
nourishment and libation are always to be found in copious quantity of the
highest quality - God Save the Danger Kitchen!!
Throughout these past several years though, down at the beach, rumor had
been heard during tales whispered by the fireside that Chaos was being
tamed.. "Pshaw!", those of thought would think. "Such can never be done.
The beast is as wild as nature itself - utterly untamable!"
We now leap to the present day.
Upon hearing the sad news that the Millennium Falcon may well have made its
last flight, this observer felt compelled to once again make the Pilgrimage
to the Church of Latter Day Furniture, renew his vows, and re-fortify the
belief that Chaos has, indeed, reigned supreme - free and untethered, far
beyond the puny efforts of mankind.
Alas, such was not the case.
Is it also true then that the world is flat? That hell has frozen over?
That President Clinton has told the truth?
Miracles will never cease!!!
Chaos has no only been tamed, it has become totally emasculated and in fact
More wonders to behold!
The most astounding revelation was that the floor can actually be seen!
Substantial portions of it, in fact!!
Organization and order was clearly evident everywhere! Categorizing,
itemizing, identifying and otherwise sorting and storing had, in truth, been
accomplished almost to a fare-thee-well!
All is not fully complete, though. There are some things that are yet to be
done, but they are infinitesimal investments in cost and labor by comparison
to having conquered Chaos.
Yea, it is clear and evident for all the world to see that production at
Adirondack Style Furniture is soon, indeed, about to commence and that the
Dream will come to fruition.
The "Piper" is brought to you courtesy of Adirondack Style Outdoor Furniture.
For None of your furniture needs ... yet.